Relationship with…Me?
AllMindsFull Newsletter-February 2024
Hey there! During your childhood, what associations did February evoke for you? Maybe love, red hearts, and expensive dinners around the 14th? We might have prepared our candy baggies to hand to our crush and best friends in the classroom. This day we call “the day of love” is all about showing love, kindness, and compassion for others. Even as adults we focus on how we’re going to show our partners, friends, or family members that we’re thinking about them on this special day. Nothing wrong with that, of course! Although, think back to the last moment, day or month that you focused on your inner love. When was the last time you took yourself out on a date to the movies, a stroll in the park, or even making yourself a goody bag? Guess what? We are here to discuss the importance of the relationship we have with ourselves. Hopefully, we can focus more time on giving ourselves that special time and love we ALL deserve. We’ll discuss how this inner love can benefit the love we give to others.
MindsGrow
Kristin Neff, a trailblazer in self-compassion research, has provided insights revealing that our self-treatment significantly influences how we interact with others. It is easy to focus on others and leave our needs behind but over time, the lack of inner love and compassion can build unwanted emotions towards ourselves and others. In her book, she articulates, “By soothing and comforting ourselves when feelings of insecurity arise, we provide ourselves with the sense of safety needed to explore the emotionally complex world inhabited by other people (Neff, 2011, p. 201).” With that said, it is crucial that we allocate the time and patience to nurture ourselves and understand our boundaries, before we extend our support to others. As mental health professionals, we witness firsthand the cultural pressure in Western society to handle everything independently and the profound impact it exerts on our psyche. We want to emphasize that cultivating self-compassion and inner love doesn’t need to be a solitary journey. It can involve collaboration with others, provided we prioritize ourselves and maintain boundaries to foster healthy interdependence.
Kristin Neff Self-Compassion resources:
MindsUnderstand
You may be pondering, “Does this even manifest in my life? Or “If so, how?” Well, has there ever been a moment in your life where you felt mentally or emotionally burnt out or even wanting to isolate yourself from others? Maybe you told yourself, “I have to do this or I SHOULD be there for my friend/family member”, even though you didn’t want to. So, you opted to attend the game night at your friend’s house, only to find yourself being irritable and snappy with everyone there. That might be your inner self feeling neglected or sidelined due to the considerable time invested in others or various activities. Let me be the first to say this, it’s okay, we all do it sometimes! What’s essential is how we bounce back from these situations and invest the time to delve into our inner compassion and inner love before proceeding with our lives.
MindsElevate
Tips and tricks time! At AllMinds, we believe in the uniqueness of each individual, which means our tips can be adapted to suit your specific needs. As discussed earlier, taking care of our inner selves can benefit the relationships we have with others.
Tip 1. Make each task, goal, or step as small and attainable as possible. If your first goal is to take more time for yourself, start with 5 minutes a day rather than an hour a week.
Tip 2. Specify what you will do in those 5 minutes to expand that inner love. Maybe it’s a few mantras or words of encouragement. Maybe a few breathing exercises or simply laying on your bed and noticing your 5 senses. (Your 5 senses include: things you can hear, touch, taste, smell, and see; respectively.)
Tip 3. Write out some compassionate phrases you would say to a special someone who is seeking support from you. Again, start small. Write one phrase instead of 10. Let’s say you forget to spend 5 minutes with yourself one day (life is busy sometimes!), say that one compassionate phrase you saved for your person and say it to yourself, even if it is just once. Say it out loud if you can! See what you did there? You practiced self-compassion. (High-five!)
We know this topic can take some time to practice but we want to say we are proud of you for starting your journey on empowering your growth. We believe love begins within. Everything else will follow.
Here is our reflection question for the month of February (the love month):
Nhat Hanh once said “Understanding is love’s other name.”
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What is one thing you are willing to do in order to nurture your inner wellbeing this month? How might this one thing impact you (and your relationships)?